haiz....feeling so moody...haiz...today whole day stomach pain lox...cant stand le....wo hao fan....forcing myself to smile...and laugh...when i cant smile....no body understand mi or can say i'm weird...haiz...my mom going for operation comfirm le...next wed...haix...need alot of money....then sch also need give money for the graduation party...haiz...how...haven gotten my pay la...haiz....lots of things in my mind....sjab....sch.....and lastly family...non stop de dun noe how long more can i hold lox....must be stronger to overcome all...i'm so tired....trying to find ppl chat but veryhard to get some one who is able to chat....looking forward to the bowling wif ben yeo, jingjie, wayne and wendy...long time no play BOWL(jingjie bowl...haha)ing le haha...nothing to blog le....moodless....
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Alawys My Darlin [:
5:20 AM
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
another week gone....getting close to o lvl le...so sian....haiz...my mind and my heart jus wouldnt concentrate on study....my mind and heart jus dun feel gd....dun noe why...more and more problems is coming...sch...class jersey almost settle so happy...but hai..shall no grumble abt him...today i reply to ben yeo was abit hush...like scolding him but i'm not...felt tired, trouble,frustrated...tats why reply was heavy...paiseh... to my friends who i have given them fierce reply...sch is jus realli tiring to mi le...every day stay back for remedial until 5+...very tiring lox...make us stay back to study when our brain jus cannot absorb any more....haiz...cca...nothing lox...a long time since i gone back for activity becos teacher lox...family....financial...wat to do...jus gt no money....today recieve a bad news...in two months my mother going for operation...haiz...more and more problems...very tired...wanna burst into tears e le....tired tired tired...no one will understand de lox....cos u are nto mi ma...jus like i wont understand u cos i'm not u mah....guess i'm stress up wif problems in state of study most of u will sure nag mi....haiz...when can i stop....ah..............tired wif life....haiz...bursting out soon
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Alawys My Darlin [:
6:42 AM
another week gone....getting close to o lvl le...so sian....haiz...my mind and my heart jus wouldnt concentrate on study....my mind and heart jus dun feel gd....dun noe why...more and more problems is coming...sch...class jersey almost settle so happy...but hai..shall no grumble abt him...today i reply to ben yeo was abit hush...like scolding him but i'm not...felt tired, trouble,frustrated...tats why reply was heavy...paiseh... to my friends who i have given them fierce reply...sch is jus realli tiring to mi le...every day stay back for remedial until 5+...very tiring lox...make us stay back to study when our brain jus cannot absorb any more....haiz...cca...nothing lox...a long time since i gone back for activity becos teacher lox...family....financial...wat to do...jus gt no money....today recieve a bad news...in two months my mother going for operation...haiz...more and more problems...very tired...wanna burst into tears e le....tired tired tired...no one will understand de lox....cos u are nto mi ma...jus like i wont understand u cos i'm not u mah....guess i'm stress up wif problems in state of study most of u will sure nag mi....haiz...when can i stop....ah..............tired wif life....haiz...bursting out soon
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Alawys My Darlin [:
6:42 AM
Thursday, July 20, 2006
so fast another week le....haiz...sch is boring and tired...felt realli tired having all remedials every day....every day also have to stay back to have remedials no break lox...we are humans lox...we also need breaks haiz i hate remedials le haiz...every day stay until 5+ then can home rest dun even have free time...life is so boring every day study....days are getting long....tired of doing things i jus wanna slack...like the past but cant le...o lvl getting near facing lots of problems....i felt i am being weird these few weeks ever since the start of sch reopen...haiz...4 more mths....its hard to endure....wat to do...every day routine so boring....and it tired us lox...even today celebration of youth day also cant let us go home early gt remedial...this type of life suz man....so tired...why and why lots of problems in my mind......
looks like they can do very well wif out mi...its has no different...wif mi i guess i create troubles....sad nvm...i guess i jus miss those life...or i am walking into a new life le
YYY
Alawys My Darlin [:
7:11 AM
Thursday, July 13, 2006
ah....................get realli irritated...today moods swing ? nope....trouble trouble....hao fan ah...make a mistake le....being gd and nice jus give u more trouble bah...haiz...trouble wif lots of stuff....first in sch asbt the jersey thing haiz...i can onli apologise to my class saying for mi being lousy in managing this jersey thing thought i could get around 20 dollars but in the end he told mi cant i didnt blame my friend cos he help mi alot...its expensive so decided not to get from him then he said he has a friend at queentown and can help us ...thx him shall see how la...but i'm sorry i did all i can i will try to get it below 24 dollars...haiz...sry guys...then cca....my walkathon card...for the first time i dun noe how i losty the card and felt guity man....haiz...hope it will be alright but i guess not bah...hoping to find it back ....lots of thign going through our mind...lots of things said its jus our unhappyness but after some times we will sure forget de...its like tat one...thinking abt sch de ndp... haiz....next family...realli dam tired lox...its always him who create trouble for mi...becos his bills and now i gt to help him to find a job said by my mother...its like this whole year lots of stuff happen all be cos of him..some times i dun understand him....and i realli hope he make a thought for mi is hard to survive lox....i wanna be independent in both mind set and $$$ wise....i dun wish to get lots of money from them as i dun wish them to be trouble becos i need money for particular course and the prom nite de fee $70 dollars actually dun wanna let my mother noe de but LLL went to tell my mother...and makes my day a moody one ...haiz....dun noe wanna go anot shall see how lox...but sure in the end sure kanna force de...haiz...its always the money wise...i gonna burst le la....tired man every way nagging haix....shall not talk le i have said wat i wanna grumble le.....sry wei could make time to go ur hse...
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Alawys My Darlin [:
7:37 AM
Saturday, July 08, 2006
A call from my junior qian bi...congraduating mi. she told mi some thing tat i have gotten wat i always wanted to achieve...but when i hear the news...some thing is wrong, why i dun feel happy abt it...but i felt unhappy abt some thing tat i jus cant say...or can say i still finding the answer...my eyes are tired...why am i feeling like this...i seriously dun noe...i have gotten wat i always wanted but i dun feel the sense of happiness or is it this is not wat i wanted or this isnt the target i wan...being reflecting this few days tired of smiling cos i realli hate to smile in front of them telling them i'm ok...but i gt to reading my junior blog ..she said i was strong and i ask her was i realli strong...she said tat this...i would have to judge it myself..its mi who decide whether i am strong or not...keep it in always in my mind...i felt tat i am not as strong as i think i use to be...in fact i am rather weak in resolving stuff...especially on such thing in my mind...why...haiz...who will make mi smile so tat i do not need to make a fake smile...i jus have to smile in front of u all cos i dun wanna u to worry...its realli hard to smile...but i gt no choice
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Alawys My Darlin [:
8:46 AM
Thursday, July 06, 2006
well done to all sjab members in yesteday's st john day performance although there's some minor mistake but its alright u all did ur best le especially the sec one.have been feeling blue...talk less in class cos i didnt noe wat to say some times due to some reason...yesterday st john day...was quite happy seeing their performance but dun noe jus felt moody in later the day...being wait fro such long time and there goes the chance...its beyong our choose its the fate...jus felt sad and disappointed wif their attitude but forget it liao...haiz feeling realli down these few days...thinking of wat io shld do...being stop to go stjohn and soccer felt so bored and i felt like i jus cant let go...haiz seriously i didnt noe wat to do...shld i come back? i realli dun noe felt so tired in wat ever i do or organise some thing for them they happy they come they not happy they dun wanna come is this is the attitude then forget abt the competition bah...i give my best shot in training u all and these are wat i recieve...from u all it realli sadden mi...realli realli tired of doing things le...being nice but u all goes like this how u all wan mi to treat u all...or may be i shld let go and change my life...in the past sjab and soccer is my life now...i guess i have to make a decision haiz...wq said sumthing to mi...u cant even control XxXx how to control the corp...this hurt my heart and it give my heart a answer tat i havinmg being searching...may be he's rite i have no power not strong enough tats why or may they there can le may be i shld let go but some ppl say i shld prove to him tat his wrong...but i gt no energy liao...if not u all tell mi wat shld i do....i shld be a evil person <>
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Alawys My Darlin [:
6:52 AM
Sunday, July 02, 2006
yesteday was a long day for mi...woke up early in the morning...eat bun then off i go for work...it was like dam hot in the place some more theres no air-con over at the sembawang mart lox...shkld ask them install air-con haha...then finally all the prizes gave away le can go home le...then i rush home change cloths talk ming wei's soccer ball and his otc notes and went out to meet them suppose to play soccer...but they from morning play until nw le so we play awhile then nv play le....seriously i didnt get to play alot i still wanna kick soccer la...haiz nvm...then we went to hougang mall eat and trying to make my self smell gd haha..truely qian bi inprove this time she dare to go distract ppl le haha jolene...didnt improve haha cos she slack haha..sherlene no comment after tat went to the last min de bbq haha...it was quite fun and suprising kelly invited jolene then we play until around 11+ then we went home...we took alot of picture haha